Reflections on 2021

 2021 has been a lot.  For the first 3.5 months of the year, I worked from home.  We returned to the office and started to provide services in person in July.  There have been adjustments, accomodations, and lots of anxieties.  Vaccinations, boosters, and now Omicron is raging.  Our world has changed, and I can't pretend that things are normal.  I worry about getting sick.  I worry about sickening others.  My heart hurts at all of the anguish, grief, and loss this virus has wrought.  Seeing how we as a society have responded to this is heartbreaking, the anger, the divisiveness, the mockery of compassion and concern for others.  I am trying to be understanding, to be loving, and to meet people where they are.  It isn't easy, and it is a work in progress.  

2021 brought good.  I discovered an immense joy in cooking with my husband.  We have explored new cuisines, new recipes, and found a sliver of happiness in sharing the time cooking and the meals.  My llama crew has brought joy, love, and an immense amount of support into my life.  My parents are healthy.  My pets are generally well (grumpy 20 year old cat included).  I have stayed close to many of my friends.  There were precious moments in the tearoom, now shuttered for renovations.  I read a lot and discovered new authors.  Podcasts kept my brain focused.  Self-care and mindfulness were my guideposts.  My husband was my rock, my encourager, and my balance when I went adrift. Long phone calls with a dear friend helped me stay on course and provided a space to vent.  Virtual playdates, virtual book club.  It all helped.  Exploring new cocktails.  Enjoying so much Food Network with the husband.  QQ!!!  Many thanks to Alton & Elizabeth for those moments of shared relief from the world.  Scabigail makes my heart happy. I wrote a few poems (not many) and am pondering sharing them here. Let me know if anyone is interested.

There has been pain with the passing of a dear friend from cancer.  It still doesn't feel real at times.  I am so grateful for the gift of his friendship in my life.  His impact runs deep in my soul.  My heart hurt with the ending of the relationship of two dear friends, and I'm still coping with a rift in a family dear to me.  I miss Saturdays at the game store, but it genuinely doesn't feel safe, especially now. 

 I love the people in my life intensely, and I am thankful for the love, support, and presence.  I wish happiness, love, and peace to you all.  I will close with a quote from one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman.  A dear friend shares the quote every year, and it resonates with my soul. 

Holiday Ramblings

My Christmas was joyful in most respects.  I received a weighted blanket.  I have wanted one for ages.  It really has helped with my sleep.  We got to spend time with my parents, which was nice.

I struggled with holiday spirit this year, and it left me when we got the call on Tuesday that my husband had a close contact test positive for COVID.  There was a mad scramble to get tested, which happened yesterday.  We're feeling great and awaiting results.  Not the restful week for me that it was supposed to be.

On the up side, Doctor Who marathon, lots of reading, GAMECOCK BOWL WIN!!!!  Tons of puppy snuggles and even the grumpy cat are bright spots this week as I stay at home and await results.

I don't think we're positive, but I am staying home until I know out of a concern for others.  I am grateful for supportive friends over the last couple of days.

As 2021 fades away, remember the good, treasure the special moments, and move forward with love.  

This prayer shared by a friend today has resonated with me.  I hope it does the same for you.

Returning to the blogverse

 Wow, it has been quite some time since my last post, years even.  Well, the world is in the midst of a global pandemic that started in early 2020.  I worked a year from home. We're wearing masks, a vaccine was developed, which turned into a whole thing.  The world now is very different from the one that existed when I last wrote on this blog.  I pretty much stay home and go to work.  I read a lot more than I used to.  It's become what helps my mind to cope with the way things are.  What I've just described is the disease front.  Don't get me started on the rest of the way things are going.  I have no insights, no witty snippets of advice, no clever quips for the state of the world we live in.  I'll sum it up with saying that I've learned a lot about the nature of people in the last two years.  There are wonderful spots of hope, of brightness, of people caring about their fellow humans, and making an effort to do better, and be better.  Then there are the moments that keep happening that hurt my heart, make me feel sad and angry , and create doubt  about how far we've really come.  

I've joined Netgalley and will post reviews of what I read here.  

A few upbeat things to note. 

1)The Mandalorian  -- cute alien unites the universe.

2)Friends have helped so much over the last two years. Y'all have kept me sane and pulled me through some rough patches.  I appreciate you.  I love you, and I am eternally grateful for your presence in my life.  

3)I have a wonderful husband and amazing pets. All of us home all of the time was an adjustment for the year that it was in place.  We laughed, we loved, we argued, and we survived.  

4)I am starting to like some aspects of cooking  Yeah, I know, right?  If you know me, that seems weird right?  I have learned things and stress less about cooking than I did before.  We've experimented with new dishes. It has been an adventure.  

5)I've developed a bit of an obsession with perfume.  My two favorite houses are Sucreabeille and Hexennacht.  Both are amazing and lovely.  I am finding scents that make my inner goth heart happy.  

6)Podcasts are amazing.  I'm currently catching up on Levar Burton Reads.  His voice is such a joy.  

7)Doctor Who Flux.  We're 4 episodes in, and it is a mystery. More on that later. 

Finding the Way

I'm feeling more like myself after the roller coaster of a couple of days ago.  My uncle is stable after 18 hours of surgery.  The road ahead will be hard, and the immediate worry is infection.  For now, it's good.  One day at a time; one step at a time. My thoughts are still with my family, but I can focus now.  Yesterday,  I was just there, floating through the day, aware of time passing, things going on, but only feeling loosely connected.  Today, the world was real again.  The pressure of a pup against my leg, the reassuring sound of my husband snoring next to me in the night, the smell of lavender, reading, warm chocolate cookies with chocolate ganache (yes, my husband is awesome & Pillsbury is pretty darn impressive these days), these are things that helped ground me, stop me from floating away on a sea of anxious emotions yesterday.  Onward we go, finding the path to sanity, to that place we call normalcy!

Catching Up

In that last post, written in a nostalgic haze, I neglected to mention other things in life.  I had my gallbladder out in September and was hospitalized for 5 days because of a leaking bile duct.  Indescribable pain relieved only by Morphine until a stent was put in to seal the leak.  I've never been hospitalized before so I was sort freaked out.  My husband was beyond supportive.  I truly am lucky to have him in my life.  My recovery was also greatly assisted by canine nurses, Bella and Batley, who are experts at pinning me to the couch.

Last year, at some point, I realized I just didn't feel as happy as I used to, and believe it or not, I figured out the reason was that I was not reading.  I've been a reader my whole life, and I just stopped making time for it.  Between work, friends, television, and the daily grind of life, I just wasn't reading much.  I decided to make it a point to do some reading at least two or three days a week, even if it was just a chapter at lunch, and my mind started to feel better.  I wasn't as wound up, and I was resting better.  Reading is indeed fundamental for me to be happy.  My biggest reading challenge was the Song of Ice & Fire series, which I finished last week.  A huge undertaking, but I thoroughly enjoyed it and join so many others in wishing George R.R. Martin would write faster.

I watched my best friend's daughter graduate high school and go off to college.  That bright eyed, inquisitive little girl became a woman before my eyes.  A woman I'm glad to know and call my friend.  She has become a beautiful, strong young woman who is confident in herself and knows what she wants in life.  She is intelligent, curious, and creative, and I adore her (plus, I introduced her to Doctor Who. Yay!)  I finally got her mom to recognize the eye stopping, jaw dropping wonder that is Nathan Fillion.  Weirdly enough, she watched Castle first then FINALLY watched Firefly after years of me raving about it.  

Oh yeah, Doctor Who.  David Tennant will always be MY Doctor.  Not just because he makes my heart skip a beat because I love all that he brought to the character.  Matt Smith grew on me, but I'm still riding the fence about Peter Capaldi  (I haven't watched the final 2 episodes of the current series -- I just finished "In the Forest of the Night.").  I like what Capaldi brings to the role, and the darkness of this Doctor is something interesting.  What I don't like is Clara, I think.  Shoehorning her into every aspect of The Doctor's life (Impossible Girl I can live with, hiding under the bed & grabbing his foot as a child, not so much) is bothering me.  Her near rejection of  the new face, her lying to Danny, her all over the place mood.  There's so much about her that bothers me now, I'll be happy to see her go.  It feels like the creative team is trying too hard to make her important, and she just makes it hard for me to enjoy the show.  I thought Amy would always be the modern companion that most annoyed me, but Clara has taken a solid lead.

Also on the Doctor Who front, I decided to start at the very beginning (a very good place to start) with William Hartnell and watch the show in its entirety.  I'm about halfway through Jon Pertwee now.  Hartnell's crabby, crochety, grandfatherly Doctor was a joy to watch, and I found Patrick Troughton's childlike wonder and deceptiveness entertaining, and unlike my husband, I liked the recorder!  I loved Jamie as a companion!  I like the stories with Jon Pertwee, but his attitude towards Jo gets under my feminist skin.  I realize it is a product of its time, but sometimes I find myself just getting mad at The Doctor.   My husband is itching for me to get to Tom Baker (HIS Doctor!), but I sort of fell out of watching with the whole gallbladder thing.  Maybe I'll find time to watch the DVD downstairs today & sent it back to Netflix (Why isn't all of Doctor Who streaming?!)

Just a brief bit on the other shows I've become enchanted with (in the order my brain thinks of them): NCIS, NCIS: New Orleans, Bones, Sleepy Hollow, Castle (of course), Once Upon a Time (think the Fables comic on television), Gotham (several episodes behind on this one), How to Get Away with Murder (way behind on it), The Chew (Michael Symon & Mario Batali? Yes, please!) and anything Alton Brown touches. I've developed something of an addiction to Alton Brown.  We've seen his live show twice this year, and it was amazing both times.  I love watching Food Network but still am not in love with cooking.  (Note:Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is awesome, but I'm still in Season 1 because Hubby made us stop until he saw Thor 2 (which took forever)  and now he doesn't want me to watch without him but he keeps finding other things to watcth!)

Because of The Chew and Food Network, my food horizons have expanded a bit.  I now like cabbage.  I've learned that many of the vegetables I hated growing up had nothing to do with the taste.  I'm a textural eater, and if the food is mushy,  my taste buds reject it.  The majority of the vegetables I ate during my childhood were cooked in the fine Southern tradition of being cooked down to mush, and I don't like mush.  Cabbage, spinach (in the raw form or in a dip/casserole), and broccoli are back on my menu now as long as they are cooked well.  My husband has removed his ban on salt (Thank you, Alton Brown and Michael Symon!), and we're cooking at home more, which has been fun!

Lastly, there is football.  What can I say about this season?  As a Gamecock and Bears fan, it has not been the greatest of seasons.  The Gamecocks are struggling on defense and cannot seem to keep it going for four quarters.  Up by 14 points in three games only to blow the lead in the fourth!!!  And the Bears?  Travesty is the only word that comes to mind.  For the life of me, I don't understand why Cutler is still the QB!!  And can we get Lovie back, please?  I'm a Gamecock for life.  I love my team (I bleed Garnet & Black, Forever to Thee, Sandstormin' in the Cockpit, and all that jazz!) , and a bad season won't change that, but winning the last few games of the season would go a long way towards bolstering my Gamecock Pride!

I guess that's all the randomness in my brain for now.  I can't promise that I'll be more consistent in blogging, but I'll try. 

The Blog that Time Forgot

The fact that I created a blog nested somewhere in the back of my mind and became overgrown with the twisted vines of real life until a friend mentioning their blog reminded me of my sad, neglected internet space.  The truth of it is that I haven't felt much like writing lately, though I had no idea it had been four years since I last graced this page with my thoughts.  Things have changed, yet they remain the same.   I'm a happier me, I think.  I'm fortunate to be surrounded by people I love and who love me in return.  I'm still prone to rambling, nonsensical conversations.  I still squeal with delight over tiny cute things.

My thoughts seem to be focused on the past today, recalling fond memories of family times and feeling nostalgic for those who are no longer with me.  I don't know if visiting with a cousin briefly yesterday triggered this or recalling fondly my cousin in Arizona because today is Veterans' Day.  I grew up surrounded by family, a huge family, and we don't spend time together like we used to.  I think that's what my heart is longing for today, a big ol' family gathering.  I don't often express it, but family is important to me.  Those connections ground us, help us understand who we are, where we come from, and give us a shelter in this storm of life.  Since I last posted, I've lost a cousin to cancer and my grandmother passed away at 93.  I feel connected to them and to the family who have passed before as I write this.  I know it sounds crazy, but I feel them near me today, not in a spooky, creepy, ghosty way, but in warm, enveloping way.  Memories of good times with family keep flooding my brain, and while it brings a tear to the eye, it is still a good thing.

My family shaped me, raising me with love and a gentle spirit, showing me that character, treating others with kindness, keeping your word, and being there for each other were things that mattered.  Though I may not talk to my family every day, I know they are there for me and that I am there for them.  One of things my husband found strange about my family is that conversations seem to pick up after not seeing other for months, or even years.  He commented that it was like no time had passed since we last saw each other. There is a unity, a oneness, that connects us despite the ravages of time and distance, and I feel fortunate that we have that.

And the World Smacks Back

Recall me saying something in an earlier post about the world watching out today because my class would be over? I think someone warned the world because it beat me down with a stomach bug. I survived the final (don't get me started on the craziness of that), but I'm watching the world go by from the comfort of my couch, where I've bedded down with my doggies, my blanket, and a CSI marathon. Guess the world will have wait until tomorrow. Back to my ginger ale. Anyone know how to train dogs to make drinks so I don't have to get up to refill my ginger ale?

Ramblin' On

Wow, I guess it's been a while since I've visited this space. I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted anything. What few readers I had have probably wandered off in boredom now. For those you still out there, I'm still alive.

The most interesting thing that has happened has been the addition of two new dogs to our family back in April(Can you hear them barking?). It was supposed to be just one with the second a surprise for my parents. My mother decided she did not want another dog (their dog passed away a couple of years ago), and we could not bring ourselves to part with the little fellow. Our menagerie is holding at six. Hubby keeps saying no to the penguin and the pygmy hippo! Getting everyone settled took quite a bit of time, but we've all survived mostly unscathed.

Nothing interesting on the movie front in quite some time. I loved Iron Man! Hated Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! Zack & Miri was sweeter than I expected, but not too saccharine. Very enjoyable. I'm still waiting to see Quantum of Solace and Twilight.

Oh, that reminds me! I achieved a dream of mine! I got to go to a Kevin Smith Q&A. He actually did on at the local university. The night was phenomenal! Ok, a few of the questions sucked, but Kevin was amazing!! I laughed until my entire body hurt, and then he made me laugh more. The man is awesome!!!!

I have not been able to read as much as I'd like because I started taking a few classes. Textbooks are not as interesting as novels. Someone should do something about that. I have managed to read The Dresden Files up through White Night. I can't wait to get my hands on Small Favor. I also read the first three Twilight books. Not nearly as angsty as I expected. Most recently, I've read the last two Goldy Schulz mysteries (well, I'm still reading the last one.)

One other thing that has consumed a lot of time has been Rock Band! The second is even better than the first. The DLC lately has been nice. Still haven't persuaded hubby to dl the Foo Fighters and RHCP yet, but the day will come. Oh, and Netflix on the 360 freakin' rocks!

I've developed an addiction to Deadliest Catch and Surviorman! Dirty Jobs too! I'll watch these shows whenever they are on, no matter how many times I have seen them. Ok, that's the real reason I haven't been blogging. Damn you, Discovery Channel!!

Just a brief update, more to come -- maybe. :)

Catching Up on Life

Wow, it's been a really long time since I posted anything here. Guess it's kind of gotten shoved by the wayside. I don't know where to start, so this may be a bit more rambling than usual. At the end of August, we went to DragonCon for the first time in several years. It was a blast! It's always a hectic few days, but well worth it. I finally got to actually speak to James Marsters. He's awesome! Watching he & Juliet Landau interact was hysterical. My love for Firefly led me to a Battlestar Galactica panel where Mark Sheppard was speaking. It ended up being one of the highlights of the con for me, and Mark convinced me that just maybe the new Battlestar isn't all that bad. September whirled by with nothing overly exciting to report.

Halloween, a holiday that brings out both the childish & the gothic sides of my personality, was a bit more active than usual. The weekend before, we went out with several friends to a local bar to see a favorite band perform, which is always a good time. The downside of the evening was the Carolina game ran over, delaying the band, which infuriated several of our party, as they don't enjoy Carolina football like I do. So, already in a sour mood, we were looking to the band to redeem the evening. Sadly, it was not to be. The band recently underwent a lineup change, and the new members had not yet gelled to the awesome band we're used to. Halloween night, all of our friends who have children descended on our house as Trick or Treating HQ because our neighborhood gives out great candy. We had a great time. Our dog, however, did not, as 5 children ranging in age from 1 to 11 bartered candy in the middle of my living room floor while the 8 adults looked on. We ended the evening playing SingStar with one of the couples. I'm going to have to drag that one out as a group effort one night.

Rushing right into November, football & Thanksgiving were the highlights of the month. Thanksgiving, while a bit chaotic due to ongoing in-law antic, turned out to a nice time shared with family. I even cooked a Pumpkin Gooey Cake that turned out pretty well. I sometimes forget how much I actually enjoy baking. I hate cooking, but there's something comforting about baking. Maybe it's all those years of watching my grandmother bake those 12 layer cakes. Fate smiled upon me by dropping tickets to the Carolina - Clemson game in my lap. While I would have preferred the last 3 seconds of the game never happened, I had a blast!

The not so high light of November was pulling a muscle in my back picking up some firewood Thanksgiving weekend. It was a nuisance for about 2 weeks, and I felt I was on the mend. Driving home from work about 2 weeks after the injury, I experienced one of the scariest moments of my life. My lower back went numb. The numbness travelled in a wave down my legs & up to my neck and got uncomfortably hot! The short version is that several hours in the ER provided no answers and no reassurances. Followup with my own competent doctor led to an MRI, which I'm still awaiting the results of. No more episodes of the numbness, though I still have twinges in my back now & then.

I guess that's an update on everything up to the holiday season. So I'll finish this off for now & work on holiday post soon.

Again, for the couple of readers I do have, I apologize for the dearth of posts over the last several months. Hopefully, I'll develop more consistency in 2008!